I was at my local track yesterday running laps. I have been having some knee pain and will be seeing my Sports Medicine doc on Tuesday. By running on a flat, smooth and even surface I was hoping to figure out when and how my knee starts hurting. Like many people I like to have a diagnosis in mind before I see my doc. Crazy, I know, but I like to feel that I have some modicum of control in the situation.
I had gotten it in my head about 18 months ago that I wanted to run a half marathon to celebrate my 50th birthday. I trained all winter and successfully completed my race on February 22nd in Hyannis Mass. It was great fun, except for this right knee pain that started in during the last mile or so. Like any good physician I tried to ignore it. Only I couldn't, it started back even more intensely and even sooner, each time I ran. Reluctantly, I took 3 weeks off running and yesterday was my test run to see how it felt.
While running yesterday I realized that I am embarrassed to see my doc. Competing in races connotes a certain confidence in one's ability. A sense that you are an athlete, even a competitive athlete. And while I am a competitive person, I will never be a competitive athlete. There is also the issue of training, which takes a lot of time and some would say a certain amount of selfishness also. An inner voice tells me it is silly for a 50 year old woman to run half marathons, never mind my summer goal of an Olympic distance triathlon. Silly especially when you run as slow as I do. So why bother?
I did my first sprint triathlon in 2002 as a challenge to myself. I kept it up for one additional season and then the novelty wore off and life started getting in the way of the training. I continued to exercise but not with the rigor that training for a goal brings. Setting the half marathon goal this year helped bring that focus back. I like setting challenges for myself and pushing outside my comfort zone just a bit. The personal sense of accomplishment is wonderful and it carries over into other areas of my life in a good way. I also like losing weight.
When I did my first tri I dropped a good 20 pounds. While I had kept most of it off, those few pounds that had snuck back on disappeared while training this winter. I like to think that I am not exercising just to lose weight, but then again I am worried about the weight returning if I can't run. This contributes to my unease. Is it wrong to admit that you are exercising to lose weight? Hell, even the Surgeon General recommends 30 minutes of exercise most days. There is even that little line about "greater benefits can be achieved by increasing the amount...".
Since returning to a regular training program I have had to stop my blood pressure meds. Yup, pressure was too low. Isn't that some good news. Yet another motivator to keep going and another worry if my knee keeps hurting.
Somewhere around lap 13 my knee pain started in. Data acquired, I walked a bit and left the track. When I see my doc tomorrow I can explain what is happening and I can also explain why I want to continue training. It is about my weight and my blood pressure and my sense of accomplishment and my mental well being. While one reason may motivate me more than another on any given day, it is all of them that keep me going over time. I don't need to apologize or feel embarrassed. I am doing something that is good for me.
Even the Surgeon General agrees.
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