May 10th, Mother's Day, kicked off National Women's Health Week. This event is sponsored by the US Department of Health and Human Services' Office on Women's Health and is designed to promote disease prevention and regular health screening as a means to improve women's health. The theme for the week is "It's Your Time!" and encourages all women to make time for themselves. Caring for yourself is the first step in caring for others.
Today is National Women's Checkup Day. Available at the HHS website are several tools to determine what screenings and immunizations are recommended for women depending on their age and health history. There is also a checklist which allows women to better prepare themselves for the next checkup along with a Checkup Day Pledge.
Take care of yourself. For more information visit:
- The National Women's Health Week website is here
- A screening tool for recommended tests and immunizations is here
- Take the Checkup Day pledge here
- Prepare for your checkup here
Be well.
In his book, Authentic Happiness, Martin Seligman has many suggestions for improving one's happiness. As we pause to celebrate Mother's Day I thought some of his suggestions were particularly pertinent.
In referring to the past Seligman points out that "insufficient appreciation and savoring of the good events in your past and overemphasis of the bad ones are the two culprits that undermine serenity, contentment, and satisfaction." As we celebrate our families of origin remember the smiles and laughter. Possessing gratitude for the love and care others have shown allows us to look back on our past in a way that enhances our present happiness. Being thankful is not just a platitude but a strategy that promotes happiness.
Living mindfully in the present can also help us live more happily. As we quickly move about our day we are often focused on the future; what we have to do next, where we have to be in an hour, what is due tomorrow, and take little time to savor the present. Today was the first truly sunny day of the month. The flowering trees and shrubs of southern New England were in their glory. The lovely scent of lilacs and viburnam wafted through the air. In places a snowfall of petals lined the streets and driveways. I took a few moments to walk the neighborhood and really look at the flowers and appreciate the colors and smells. Savoring, fully appreciating, the gift that spring is after the long gray months of winter.
Happy Mother's Day!
No is a complete sentence. This is a note I had written down during a lecture I attended last year. I ran across it today while reviewing some papers and as it did then, it struck a chord with me today. As the weather warms it seems that our To Do List and the demands on our time heat up too.
It is fun to volunteer at out children's schools or meet with friends, but when these activities become chores rather than fun it might be time to say no. As well, taking on spring household and landscape projects can be rewarding but when these projects take up all of our free time it might be time to say no again.
Saying no doesn't have to come with an apology or an explanation. Just say no. No, I am not able to do that right now. No, I can't make it. No, thank you.
The next time a request comes your way, really decide if you have the time and energy to take on the activity or project. Figure in how much time it will entail, including prep time, travel time and the actual time doing the project or activity. Decide if you genuinely want to participate. If you decide to participate, you can move forward knowing you will be able to do so fully. If you decide not to participate just say no. In doing so, you can save yourself the stress and anxiety of committing to something you do not want to do or do not have time to do.
Just remember, No is a complete sentence.
During several conversations over the past few weeks people have fretted and apologized to me about eating. They confess that they were "bad", that they ate the "wrong" foods. There seems to be an underlying fear that someone, somewhere, will hold them accountable for these transgressions and they will be punished.
Studies have shown that we make over 200 food related decisions a day. It's not just what's for dinner- it's eggs scrambled or over, white or whole wheat toast, orange or cranberry juice, coffee with cream or milk, is that milk whole, 2%, skim or soy? You get the drift. If you are making that many decisions a day there are bound to be a few that get a little off track. The idea then is to keep the vast majority of them, 80% or more on track. Whether for weight loss or maintaining good health, eating healthy foods in moderation will get you where you want to go.
Yes it is true that one decision, let's say to eat an entire bag of chips, will slow your weight loss plans, but does that make you a bad person? Does it make sense to feel you should be punished? This kind of thinking gives food more power than it deserves. It is only food. Despite what we think sometimes, food cannot actually talk. The only power food has is that which we give it.
Unfortunately there is a tendency to punish these poor food choices with more "bad" food. The thinking runs "if I've already blown it what's one more ...." This is actually abdicating further thoughtful decision making and not thinking at all. In this scenario food is given power over all our food related decisions without actually uttering a word.
So what if that bag of chips could talk, what would it say? Maybe something like "enough already, go out for a walk", or "wow, you seem stressed, go relax in the yard". You probably wouldn't hear "you are a really bad person". What you eat may reflect your emotional state, but it doesn't define your character. Keep the power on your side.
While in my garden today I was listening to the many sounds around the neighborhood. Dogs barking, my neighbor happily whistling while he moved mulch and the many lawnmowers humming as the newly green grass got its first cut of the season. I got me thinking about a comparison I recently saw between a convenient and inconvenient lifestyle.
The convenient lifestyle relied on the more obvious choices such as taking the elevator, parking in the closest spot and using the remote. Some additional conveniences I hadn't thought about before included using a cordless phone, frequenting drive-throughs, using the internet to shop and hiring lawn and house cleaning services. While it may not seem like much, walking to answer the phone and then standing while talking; or getting up to change the television settings can add up to more calories burned each day. In the study cited the total effect of living an inconvenient life for a month was about 10,000 extra calories burned, enough for a 2 -3 pound weight loss.
In these difficult economic times mowing your lawn, washing your car and cleaning your house are jobs that cannot be easily expensed out to someone else. Isn't it nice to know that it may also help you improve your health?
Yesterday I posted about the tension that can arise between friends when one changes their lifestyle. I am sure that some friendships have fallen by the wayside after someone decides that they cannot continue to eat, drink or live in a way that is basically unhealthy. While no one wants to sacrifice a friendship, sometimes the price is too high to continue with such a relationship. Within a family however, the problem can be even more difficult. What are the costs to our relationships and to yourselves of not living in a manner that promotes our own health and wellbeing?
Last week on the Biggest Loser, Michael spoke to his father (Ron) about how he could have let his children become so obese. Michael spoke of his frustration and anger about the situation. Unfortunately, Ron really didn't have much to say besides "you have every right to be upset". This really doesn't answer the question of how could he have let this happen? I have heard similar stories from others about their tendency not to criticize their family members about their unhealthy lifestyles. Keeping the peace seems to take precedence over pushing issues related to unhealthy behaviors.
This seems especially true when it comes to our children. As parents we are often counseled to avoid criticism or anything that will undermine a child's self esteem. The critical parent is often portrayed as overly controlling and overly concerned with the image of their children as an extension of themselves. While this characterization might have merit in some circumstances, when it come to weight and lifestyle issues, ignoring a child's burgeoning weight problem and lack of exercise is only setting them off on the path to ill health and disease.
When the child involved is still young there is always the expectation that they will "grow into their weight" or they are just "big boned". While I believe that dieting is a concept which should remain foreign to a child, parents are still the final arbitrators of the food that enters the home. Parents should strive to provide healthy foods for their children and not succumb to the pressure to provide high fat, high sugar treats because the children want them or "deserve" them. I am not aware of any child who was harmed by a lack of Little Debbies. Moderation and responsibility are the keys in this younger age group.
Teenagers and young adults however, present a further level of complication. Again as parents we have been counseled and quite literally preached at, regarding the unrealistic body images promulgated by today's media. We are constantly warned about the dangers of eating disorders and societal pressures to be thin. Yet the most recent health data show obesity levels on average at 16% for American youth, with some populations running even higher. Ignoring this elephant in the room is a disservice to our children. So what is a parent to do?
While being a good role model is a great place to start, it is going to take more than that to see behavior change in teenagers. Banning of junk food and becoming the first lieutenant of the food police will only lead to resentment and the potential for excess consumption when out of the house. By broaching the subject of overweight or unhealthy eating in a nonjudgmental but never the less honest fashion, a parent may gain some insight into what the teen is thinking, what they understand to be true and they may also learn what the teen has already tried in an attempt to lose weight. Asking a young adult if they would like to change and where they would like to start, allows them to remain in control but also opens an opportunity to provide assistance and guidance.
If the teen has no interest in making changes to their lifestyle, a discussion of the family's known health history and an offer of support in the future along with keeping healthy foods available may be all a parent can do. For those requesting assistance allowing this to be the child's journey, and supporting them while they find what works for them is key. Reversing a lifestyle of poor eating and inactivity will take many starts and stops and the path chosen may not always be the one a parent might choose for themselves. While there is a responsibility to avoid harm, a parent must otherwise sit back a bit and let the teen figure out what is meaningful and doable for them. By being open to looking at a problem in a new way we as parents might also learn a thing or two from our children.
The first step however starts with having the courage to talk. Let your teen or young adult know that you love them and worry that the path they have chosen will lead them into an unhealthy future. Offer your assistance and support in a way that does not blame or shame and let them decide what to do next. Just don't ignore this elephant - in the end it makes a very big mess.
While I refer to the metaphorical elephant, the obvious problem that everyone is trying to overlook; it is not a totally inappropriate image. As someone who cares about my health and tries to follow a healthy lifestyle combining good nutrition and daily exercise, how do I overlook the lifestyles of others. As a wellness coach and health educator I am happy to share ideas and problem solve with those who seek my help. My difficulty comes in my interactions with friends and family. How do I discuss their weight or unhealthy behaviors? Is it any of my business? Should I just keep quiet and look the other way?
With friends and extended family my strategy has been to be a role model and resource but otherwise not offer unsolicited advice. Whether it is asking to eat in a restaurant with healthier food options or scheduling a get together after I exercise, I don't preach but I also don't get dragged into doing things that I know I will regret.
I also try to be open with my friends and family about the motivations for my lifestyle choices as well as the difficulties in maintaining that lifestyle. It is important for those looking at making changes to know that everyone has off days. The key is in not letting an off day become an off week followed by an off month. As I have posted here, some days the fear of my family's history of high blood pressure related kidney failure gets me out for my run, while on other days it is my desire to drop those last 5 pounds. They are all valid reasons and anyone considering making major lifestyle changes will have their own reasons. In fact the more reasons the better because what motivates one day might not the next.
If and when the subject of weight and exercise come up, I try to be understanding and honest with friends and family about the risks that their choices create. While not telling someone what to do, I try to encourage and support anyone in making changes. Whether it is meeting them at the gym so the weight room seems a little less intimidating or offering to share recipes, I hope that by doing and not just talking I will improve not only my own health but the health of others.
